Twilight: 101,918 BC aka Caveward
by crissee
Summary: Edward is a young unmated caveboy living in the year 101,918 B.C.  He's your average Neanderthal until the nomadic Birdpebbles and their daughter Bella cross the Cullenstone's path.  Bella turn Edward from a caveboy to a cavemaaaaannnnn!


Twilight: 101,918 B.C.: Caveward

It was blistering hot! Freaking sun! So damn hot that a 17 year old Neanderthal had to find refuge from it in a cave. Ed dragged his barefooted ass into the nearest cave he could find. As he was settling down to a nap he noticed some pictures on the cave walls. These pictures would later become known as hieroglyphics. Wow! His brain was thinking, sort of thinking. The pictures were of cavemen and cavewomen zug-zugging, aka fucking! Ed never had a woman because his clan was paired off, leaving him as the odd man out. Carlisle had captured the girl with the big melons for him but Em quickly beat him to claiming her in front of the whole clan. He simply lifted her animal skin dress up and impaled himself in her. Ed was quick but Em was big and Ed knew he couldn't beat him off of the big melon girl. Instead Ed was reduced to having to take his big mammoth member into his own hand and take care of business. This is what he was doing in this cave while escaping the sun and enjoying some self love to the cave pictures. He had almost climaxed when he heard a big commotion coming from below. He heard many unfamiliar grunts that he knew didn't come from his clan. He quickly finished jerking himself off and sprayed his seed all over the cave wall.

What he saw made his animal skin loin cloth rise to attention. It was a girl probably just a little younger than him and what appeared to be her clan. What seemed to be the head of the clan was grunting with Carlise and pointing to the brown haired girl. Nomads had crossed their path before, but no girl looked as good as her. He had liked that one girl with the red hair and she did take his mammoth sized cock into her mouth but before making him squirt she spotted Jasper and jumped on to his saber tooth. Alice quickly clubbed the girl with the sun colored hair in the head. After that instance Alice went a bit crazy cutting her hair with a rock and styling it with dead bird bones thinking it would make herself more attractive to Jasper. Alice was the first in the clan to have a loin cloth made of the skin of that big spotted cat. Crazy bitch hunted the thing herself. Her mad stylings did drive Jasper crazy and they were fucking all the time against the cave wall. Edward thought to himself he had to get his own place fast or find a new clan.

This girl, this other world like creature was like nothing he had ever seen. Her hair appeared to be long and straight and shiny, like stones from the river. All the women in his clan had crazy matted hair, everywhere! He could tell that even her pubes would be soft to the touch and damn if Em wasn't eyeing the hair sticking out from under her feather coverings. Ed could only guess that her clan was trying to catch her a mate. Seeing Em staring at her pubes angered Ed and he quickly approached his father to find out what this clan with the coverings made of bird feathers wanted.

"Zug-zug er Bella," Carlise grunted pointing to the girl and to Ed. At hearing this Ed's eyes grew big "Zug-zug!" His animal skin rose again! Edward was always shy, but he was determined to zug-zug with the girl called Bella, so he grabbed his other spear and took off hunting. He quickly spotted and killed a wild beast and dragged it back towards the Cullenstone cave.

Upon arrival the animal in him emerged to the surface. His brother Em was standing close to Bella with his hand on her shoulder and his eyes on her feather covered crotch. His brother wouldn't claim her, he thought, she was his for zugging so he dropped the dead wild beast and her feet and grabbed her hard. At first he was afraid this might frighten her; being so rough but damn it he was a caveman now and not a cave boy. He was the best looking and smartest one of his clan, even though his sister Alice made fun of him for having straight teeth and no hunch in his back. Instead of being frightened Bella gave Ed a shy smile and he saw that her teeth were straight as well. Em seeing her teeth was immediately turned off. His big melon girl's teeth stuck out permanently from her lips which made it even better for him when she was zug-zugging his big hairy bear.

Seeing the wild beast at her feet Bella became aroused. "ool…er …Bella?" she said pointing to the wild beast and then to herself. Edward shook his head yes. "ool…er ….Bella…. er…. Edward." Seeing that she was interested in him Bella let Ed lead her away from the rest of the clan, which was a relief because they were all jumping up and down making the sounds they used when their parts connected. Ed was just about to show Bella the object he was working on, which was a stone that he was trying to carve into the shape of the full moon that would help carry food and other things. When Ed first came up with this idea his family all feel over laughing at him. He didn't know why, because he had actually come up with the idea to hit two rocks together to make the heat like the sun. When Bella saw his invention she thought he was the smartest Neanderthal she had ever met so she began to remove her feather coverings so that he could claim her in front of the clan.

She had only uncovered one round mound, when a dinosaur was running toward the middle of their camp. All the Cullenstones and the Birdpebbles took off running. Running was a little hard for Em because he actually stuck his big toe into the fire when Ed had first discovered how to make it. Bella and Ed were further away from the camp so Ed dragged her to the cave he was hiding in earlier. When they entered the cave they immediately collapsed to the floor. Bella began crying because she was worried about her clan, and Ed was worried that Em and Big Melons had once again forgotten one of their little Neanderthals outside of the Cullenstone cave.

Bella's feather clad self shook from her sobs so Ed took her into his hairy arms. 'Sh, sh, sh, "Ed told her trying to calm her down. Bella was afraid for her family and she wanted to see that they were safe so she made her way to the cave opening, but Ed grabbed her and pulled her down. That's when Bella saw the prehistoric porno drawings on the wall. Her mouth opened in surprise then she looked and saw that Ed's loin cloth was once again sticking up waving hello to her. Without warning Ed stuck his wooly mammoth into her still gasping mouth. Bella was still staring at the wall and picking at some white goop when Ed impaled her mouth hitting her in the back of the throat and causing her to fall. Not knowing what was going on she tried to run out of the cave, but Ed dragged her down by her feathers and began ripping them off. She felt strangely afraid but also aroused knowing that she was finally going to zug-zug. Ed realized he was being a bit of a caveman and stopped himself to look into her eyes for a sign that he should proceed. Bella's eyes held lust of a hundred horny dinosaurs in them as they moved over to the pictures on the cave wall. Bella grunted and pointed to the wall "zug-zug…er..Ed." Those few grunts drove Ed into frenzy and he quickly stripped off all the rest of her feathers.

Oh, what Ed saw made him as hard as the shiny glittering rocks he was so found of finding. Her melons were perfect, not too big or too small. Her skin was unusually soft (she had discovered that dinosaur dung made her skin soft like her feather coverings) as well as the hair on her legs. Now the mane between her legs was something amazingly bushy like that of the wild beast. Ed moved himself on top of Bella and let his calloused hands explore every inch of her. He scrapped his lips and teeth across her neck inhaling her scent. He pinched first gently and then roughly Bella's nipples before taking one into his mouth. He had often see the little one's at their mothers breast and the men of his clan suckling at the nips of their partners and wondered what it was like. "Aghhhh…oooogoood," Ed grunted. Bella's nipples were smooth and hardened to his touch, to his sucking and to his nipping. Bella arched beneath him so he took more of her mound into his mouth while his finger moved lower.

The decent of his fingers was slow and torturous and Bella's blood was boiling like a tar pit. Then a gentle rain began to fall and it was twilight outside, but not even the breeze in the air could cool her body down. Bella ached for Ed to touch her everywhere. Ed's mouth ran across her stomach while his hands ran up her thighs. Her legs were slick from her arousal and Ed moved his fingers to taste what was leaking out of her. Bella's smell, her taste was addicting and he knew that he would always have to have her body. He ran his hand down her lower stomach and through the downy hair. "Erch!." Bella yelled when Ed's fingers were stuck in her bush. Ed worked them out of her pubes causing Bella's eyes to water a bit. Oh, after he claimed her it was going to be a delight to officially make Bella his in the pube cutting ceremony.

Ed wanted to taste more of the intoxicating nectar that was on her legs so he moved his knees between hers grabbing her thighs and opening her wide for him. He lowered his head and dipped his nose into her lower lips and gave a long lick like the wild beast drinking at the river. "Ahhh," Bella moaned in pleasure, while Ed's tongue went deeper lapping all that she was giving. She screamed when he entered a finger and then a second one, moving them in and out in a steady smooth rhythm. Bella's mind wondered where he learned to do such things, perhaps from one of his clan members; perhaps he had another woman before her. His father, Carlise had made it known to her father; Charlie that Ed had never zug-zug. Those thoughts were quickly lost to the pleasure she was now experiencing. Bella lifted her hips to him as to indicate that she needed more, but Edward roughly pushed her thighs down while he continued to nip and tug at her flower. Bella clutched at the ground, grabbing fist full's of dirt and then at Ed's unruly copper hair. She was a wild woman on fire, squirming all over the floor, contorting her body up for something she had never felt before, while Ed held her down. Ed's fingers curled up and hit a spot and she exploded releasing a gush of warm, sticky liquid onto Ed's face. Bella' body arched itself higher onto her toes all the while throwing dirt in the air.

Once the tremors in her body calmed down, Ed crawled his way back up her body and he kissed her hard on her lips. This was the first time anyone had ever kissed her and she could taste herself on his mouth. He pushed his tongue deep in her mouth while gripping his fingers in her hair. Ed then began moving his wooly mammoth across Bella's fold and began to insert it into her pussy. Ed decided to call it a pussy because the sounds she was making while his face was between her legs sound like those of the big cat he liked to hunt, the Pussyofelanious.

At first Bella was enjoying this new sensation, but as he inched his member deeper into her she began to feel pain! Using all her strength she pushed Ed off her only to be brought down by her hair. She clawed at him, pounded her fist against his chest as Ed tried to open her legs to him again. Ed released his hold on her for a second to remove a giant insect that was biting him on his ass and Bella tried to escape. She made it out of the cave and was running hard, but Ed was quick. Grabbing her by the waist Ed quickly moved his hand to her pussy and entered a finger inside of it. He worked it in and out once again causing her to moan and grunt and she was fighting no more so Ed entered her swiftly from behind. "Eck…fook!" Bella cried out, but then Ed began his instinctual animal dance pushing himself in and out of her body. Pain was replaced with pleasure while he fucked her and twisted her nipples at the same time. Bella placed her head on Ed's shoulder and rocked her body back against his wooly mammoth. His pace was slow but then increased as they both went falling into the soft, sticky, red mud below them. Ed's hand once again went to Bella's pussy and she took his middle finger and along with her own finger began to rub the nub that brought her so much pleasure that she had seen stars and had almost blacked out. Once again Bella's body began to convulse causing her pussy to milk Ed's wooly mammoth and to explode inside of her while exclaiming, "Mine!"

Bella and Ed laid there in the mud while the skies darkened until they realized that they had to check to see if their respective clans had escaped the dinosaur. Ed grabbed Bella by the hand and led her back to the Cullenstone's cave. When they got there they saw Alice picking nits out of Jasper's hair, Carlise and Esme picking up scattered wood, Em and Melon girl feeding their children the wild beast Ed had caught and the Birdpebbles sat sadden because they thought Ed and Bella were eaten by the dinosaur. Ed let out an "ohhhh,….oiiiii….ohhhhh!" to let his family know that he was safe and then he proceeded to lift Bella in his arms and thrusting her back into his chest. It was customary for Neanderthals to demonstrate their claim to a mate so Edward placed Bella's mud caked body back on her feet and thrusted his wooly mammoth into her once more and quickly pulled himself back out. "Fooook!" Bella yelled.

The Cullenstones jumped up and down grunting and panting, banging on their chest at the relief that Ed had finally zug-zugged. Em hit Ed on the back of his head in congratulations while Jasper jumped on his back punching him in his side. The Birdpebbles embraced their muddy daughter knowing that Bella now had her mate.

Later that evening in the meadow after the pube cutting ceremony Ed went hunting wild rabbit and he presented Bella with the fur to cover her girly parts and gave her one of his favorite shiny rocks. She was no longer a Birdpebble having to wear feathers but a Cullenstone. Ed and Bella was a match made in Neanderthal heaven.

The End

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Thanks to Annette for the story idea and to Fiona for her input, this is my first one-shot/fanfic so please review and thanks for reading.**


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